I have thought to myself a million times over the past few months that I needed to post on here, but honestly, I have felt super uninspired… that is, until now. Is it just me, or are you able to feel when you are about to undergo a big life transition? I don’t know if it’s just human intuition, or the endless possibilities of our 20’s… but my life has undergone some serious changes over the last little while.
Starting a new school year, moving into a new house, living with new roommates, and saying goodbye to a four-year relationship, has ultimately left my world turned upside down. At first, I was overwhelmed. With everything changing so quickly, I didn’t even recognize myself. Everything familiar felt like a distant world that I was clinging to, simply for some comfort. I craved stability and familiarity, and with each day, it felt like that was getting further and further away. All of these changes, forced me to examine myself, and the choices I have made over the past few months. And let me tell you, looking inward is never easy. Nobody wants to admit to anybody, let alone themselves, the insecurities or fears that they have. Nobody wants to seem weak, broken, sad or feel as though they just can’t get a handle on things.
After all, we are conditioned to have this perfect picture in our minds of how things are “supposed” to be, and often we don’t know how to deal with the disappointment, that accompanies the reality of our situation. But here is the reality, you have to accept the worse parts of yourself, to find the best. Sacrifice is uncomfortable, but it is essential for growth. Finding yourself, is hard work and nobody is going to tell you how to become the best version of yourself. Growth requires a daily effort, to recognize your own needs and take steps towards meeting those needs. Everybody will have a different path, different roadblocks and a different support system along the way, but the important part is to keep going. Keep moving. What feels like the end of the world, is just the beginning.
I am not saying I have it figured out, but I can tell you that over the past few weeks, I have been getting back to the basics and boy, does it feel good. For the first time in four years, I feel truly independent, free from absorbing the feelings of another individual. I have grown around people for so long, that they have become a part of me, and honestly, I was having a hard time figuring out who I was without them. But now, I feel ready to focus on me. I owe myself the same love and attention I have been giving out for so long. In the spirit of essentialism, I have been taking a hard look at how I spend my time and energy. I want to make sure I am focused on what matters most to me, and forces me to grow.
As a relatively motivated individual, I have been trying to focus on ease and slowness. I have become more mindful of my mental space and been selective on who and what I focus my attention on. For the first time in a long time, I feel calm and ready for change. I feel optimistic about what the future holds, and I am not going to stop now. I have been focusing a lot of energy into the things that I love, painting, hiking, music and writing. I have surrounded myself with some amazing people, that push me to be the best version of myself (including my amazing new roommates). I even took up a new hobby- I guess you could say I am a plant mom.
I am a big believer in slow, sustainable change. How we spend our days is, how we spend our lives – why wouldn’t you want to take care of yourself? Why wouldn’t you want to be the happiest you can be? Why wouldn’t you want to be proud of what you have created and whose lives you have touched? I know these questions seem obvious and trivial. But the point is, only you can make that change. What works for me, will not work for you. But I challenge you to slow down, and really focus in on what you need to thrive, grow and succeed. Don’t be afraid of growing slowly, be afraid of standing still. Self-reflection is key, and I promise you, nothing bad can come of it (no matter how hard it may feel). I am looking forward to this new journey and I am very excited about what this new chapter holds for me.
PS: Look forward too many more blog posts in the near future – ya girl is back!